NORTH KINGSTOWN – Agoraphobia is a fear of leaving your safe place. Most of us will not experience that extreme end of the spectrum, resulting in panic and anxiety attacks.

But some of us do experience such events, episodes and moments, both in business and in our personal lives. And, we deal with others all the time that can be on any point in that spectrum.

I’ve always known there was something wrong with me – very wrong.

Even at a young age, when my friends were enjoying activities as harmless as sleepovers, I would hyperventilate, sweat and tremble at the mere thought. I never told a soul.

As I got older my condition worsened. Open spaces, crowds, bridges, tunnels, elevators, planes and traffic all sent me into spells of debilitating fear and panic, but never more than when I would be trapped somewhere alone with my own thoughts.

I became convinced that “The Thing,” as I named it, would someday kill me.

Yet somehow, perhaps for the sake of my friends, for my wife, or for my children, I vowed that I would find the willpower needed to beat it – or I would die trying.

My book, Scared To Death… Do It Anyway, is my story of my own tumultuous journey about the thoughts, feelings and secrets of an acute agoraphobic.

It not only chronicles three decades of severe panic and anxiety attacks, but it also reveals the healing thought process of self-realization that helped me defeat “The Thing,” build a multimillion-dollar business, and discover a life of true happiness.

Overcoming anxiety
Having an anxiety disorder does not mean you can’t lead a perfectly happy life. That’s one of the reasons I wrote the book. My only regret is not telling my story years ago.

I received help along the way with treatment for anxiety, but none as important as what I call my “healing thought” process.

At an early age I decided to stay clear of traditional pharmaceutical treatments. I also stayed clear of the use of recreational drugs to mask my anxiety. Most people who suffer as I do aren’t successful at avoiding either of these things.

People with debilitating anxiety and panic can sink deeper into horrible thoughts when under the influence of drugs. I just could never see myself sinking to such depths.

But I know that treatment is critical, and that the medical professionals who treat patients with anxiety and panic disorders are exceptional at their jobs.

However, in my world of business and the fast pace of capitalism, I needed to stay sharp and focused. I chose intensive and regular exercise – intensive focus training. It is an exercise that I do, and will continue to do, for the rest of my life. 

My tool box
I also developed what I call my “tool box,” and I share the specifics in my book.

I’ve also started speaking to business groups, sports teams, just about any group that will listen to me, and my message.

When I speak, people are usually quite attentive and polite, but then I see the people who start to move to the edge of their chairs, the ones who begin looking very seriously at me. That’s when I realize that I touched something in them.

Maybe they don’t have agoraphobia, but they start to remember moments of stress and anxiety in making a sales call, or in doing a presentation: something that is more than normal nervousness; something that comes back again and again.

These are the people who come up to me at the end of my talk – some will just buy my book and walk away; but others stop to tell me their stories, and we share.

Mental Health Month
May is the month that we recognize as Mental Health Month. It is estimated that about 6 million American adults experience a panic attack in any given year.

Women are twice as likely to experience them as men, the scholarly books say, though I actually believe men are less likely to report them. One in three people who experience panic attack will go on to develop agoraphobia.

Recently I had the wonderful experience to visit with professionals at Bradley Hospital, who are working with children suffering from a variety of mental health disorders. I had the privilege of visiting a specialized part of the hospital that is dealing with panic, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorders, or OCD, and agoraphobia. The health professionals are doing tremendous work in this field.

We know so much more about what it is like to suffer, and what treatments work. But, no matter what professionals do and how skilled they are, they can never know what it is really like, to feel panic and anxiety that comes from being trapped somewhere alone with your own thoughts. Thinking, as I did, that one day it would simply kill me.

So I do my best to fill in the gap there. I hope to continue to speak to clinicians, because they need to hear from people like me, so they can better help others. And the young ones need to see role models – someone who grew up in spite of ‘the thing’ that was out to get them – someone who has been successful in business, married, had children, has friends, hobbies, and is living ‘the good life’.

I am donating part of the proceeds from the sale of my book to the Bradley Hospital Pediatric Panic and Anxiety Research Center. [Its website is www.anxiouskids.org.] 

Why? Because one of the things I wrote about is called, “The Longer, the Longer” – what that means is that the longer you suffer from this “thing,” the longer you will take to overcome it, to learn your own tools, to survive.

I wish that when I was a young boy, terrified to go to a sleepover, staying awake all night rocking my head back and forth, as others slept, I wish that someone knew how to help me back then. Life would have been easier.

So, I hope that my book – and the donations – can help other young people make their “longer” a whole lot shorter than mine has been.

Over the years, I developed my multi-million dollar business, Ocean State Plastics, and I discovered happiness. I use the word humble a lot these days. But nothing is more humbling than to realize that I started that business in my bedroom, my safe place. A room I was terrified to leave, because I was scared to death.

Editor’s note: A national book launch party for Brian Beneduce’s Scared To Death… Do It Anyway, will be held on Tuesday, May 17, from 6-8 p.m., at the Poliquin Group in East Greenwich. Proceeds from the sale of his book will be donated to the Bradley Hospital Pediatric Research Center. Barbara Morse Silva of NBC10 will serve as emcee for the free event. To register, go to www.brianbeneduce.com.